I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
