I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
