how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
