yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
