Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
