Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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