I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
