it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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