Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
