I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
