so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
