This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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