so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
