oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
