I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize