I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
