probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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