I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
