it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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