What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
