I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
