just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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