Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She even gives head with a lisp.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
