There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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