She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
