Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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