now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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