Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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