I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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