you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
