I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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