dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
