i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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