How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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