My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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