Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
