I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
