I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
