I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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