It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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