Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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