also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
