I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
operation have a gay friend backfired
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
