She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
