I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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