i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
