MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
