is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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