Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
