Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
