Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
