party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
