Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
