I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize