Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
