Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
