my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
