I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
