I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
