I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
