"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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